I'm going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time
Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation
Going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind
Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"
Heading on up to South Park Gonna see if I can't unwind
Come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine
Students, quiet, please, m'kay.
As you may or may not know, today is Canada Appreciation Day.
Oh, God, I'm bored already.
M'kay, so we've been asked to show you a video
from the World Canadian Bureau. Start the tape, please.
Hello, I am Stephen Abootman,
president of the World Canadian Bureau.
Do you ever stop to think how important Canada is to the world?
Right now, I would like all students of Canadian descent
in this school to stand up.
Just look at all these fine Canadians in your school.
See how diverse they are.
When you think of Canada,
what's the one thing that comes to mind?
Gayness.
That's right. Spirit.
What is it that makes Canada so important?
Nothing.
My fellow Canadians, for too long,
we have been pushed around and ridiculed.
Yesterday was supposed to be a day of appreciation and understanding.
Instead, Canada Appreciation Day was mocked worldwide.
Nobody takes us Canadians seriously.
It's like the world doesn't respect Canada at all.
That's right, and I think it's time for Canada to show the world
just how bad things would be without it.
Together we can send a message. It's time for Canada to strike.
Did you say strike?
Yes. Every Canadian, join me. Join together.
- Canada on strike. - Canada on strike.
Canada, Canada, Canada, Canada
Canada on strike Canada says no more!
No more neglect, we want respect That's what we're striking for
All you bureaucrats and corporate cats...
Can all just take a hike!
It's Canada on strike!
Canada on strike! From Vancouver to Saint John's
We raise our middle fingers for you all to sit upon!
And with our fingers up your ass you won't be very psyched
It's Canada on strike!
And we will not bow or budge Our resolve is strong
We even took three hours to rehearse this striking song!
Canada on strike! No matter where you are
If you are Canadian then you've got to do your part
March out of the halls
That's right. Suck my Canadian balls.
It's Canada on strike!
When you say, "Canada is on strike," what exactly do you mean?
What do you think it means? We're striking, buddy.
No more. That's it. Until we get what we want.
Who exactly are you to authorise this strike?
I am Stephen Abootman, leader of the WGA.
- The WGA? - Yes. The World Canadian Bureau.
- What exactly does Canada want? - We want more money.
- Yeah. More money. - More money from where?
Just more money, you know? Canada doesn't get enough money.
Other countries have lots of money. We want some of that money.
How about the Internet? The Internet makes lots of money.
- So give us some of that money. - Yeah. Give us Internet money.
Mr. Abootman,
you seem to not understand how global economics works.
Don't give me that fat cat fancy lip wiggling.
Are you going to give Canada more money or not?
- I'm afraid we can't. - Then you leave Canada no choice.
The strike shall continue.
"Honk if you support Canada." Hey, honey, watch this.
We're supporting unions.
That's right. We're a very progressive couple.
Yes.
That's fun.
Well, we've done our good deed for the week.
I think now I can make love to your anus without making God angry.
Oh, really? Goodie.
Guys, I'm really worried about my brother.
We don't care.
You should care. This strike affects everybody, fat ass.
It's on.
It's The Terrance and Phillip Show.
Today's episode, "I Fart Huckabees."
This one again?
God, they've replayed this one like 80 times now.
Say, Phillip, I just bought this new hybrid car.
Does it run on electricity?
- No, it uses natural gas. - No, it uses natural gas.
I just farted at your face.
It somehow loses its punch after multiple viewings.
God damn it, when are they gonna air new Terrance and Phillip shows?
There aren't going to be new shows. Don't you get it?
Terrance and Phillip are Canadian.
We have to get Canada to end this strike.
It's not a big deal. We can just watch American comedy.
You think that's bad?
Remember the time I sang La Cucaracha for Paul McCartney?
No. No. We are not resorting to that.
- We want more. - We want more.
One, two, three, four. Canada deserves more money!
Look, buddy, me and Phillip need to go home for a bit.
Go home? You can't leave the picket line.
But this is taking too long, and Phillip is diabetic.
Look, guy, we have to stay strong.
If you don't stand with your fellow Canadians, then you are a rat.
- Don't call me a rat, buddy. - I'm not your buddy, friend.
- He's not your friend, guy. - I'm not your guy, buddy.
- He's not your buddy, friend. - I'm not your friend, guy.
Don't you two understand anything? You think striking is a joke?
- You think it's something to ridicule? - Yeah, you think this is funny?
Don't you see that we have to stand together or else we have nothing?
Stephen, Stephen. A call came in from the United States.
They want to talk to you about ending the strike.
What did I tell you?
I told you we'd get to them sooner or later.
All right. All right. Quiet, everyone. Let me handle this.
Yes? This is Stephen Abootman, head of the WGA.
Hi. We want you to end the strike.
You do, huh?
They've had enough. They want us to end the strike.
All right. All right. Quiet, quiet. Let me deal with this.
All right, we're prepared to end the strike
if you are agreeing that we should have more money.
We totally think you should have more money.
We got them. We did it.
All right. How much are you going to give us?
Well, we don't really have that much money.
Negotiating hardball, are we? What about all that Internet money?
- The Internet? - You listen to me, friend.
You'd better figure out a way to get us our fair amount of money.
And until you come back with a solid, fair number,
I'm finished talking to you, you slimy corporate dickhead.
Don't worry. Don't worry. This is how negotiating works.
This is good. We've got them by the balls.
What'd they say?
They said we have to give them money that we make on the Internet.
How are we supposed to make money on the Internet?
Well, how do other people make money on the Internet?
We'd have to put something up on the Internet
that everyone would find fascinating.
Wait. I've got it.
I said what, what in the butt I said what, what in the butt
You wanna do it in my butt, in my butt You wanna do it in my butt, in my butt
Let's do it in the butt, okay
It's okay if you have a little fight
Don't you worry, I won't bite Not that hard
If you want it, I'll give you power
Just be gentle, I'm delicate like a flower
Give it to me, if you please Give it to me, if you please
Oh, my.
What, what in the butt I said what, what in the butt
I said what, what in the butt
You wanna do it in my butt, in my butt You wanna do it in my butt, in my butt
Let's do it in the butt, okay
- There's more people viewing it. - This is going great.
Don't worry, Ike. The strike will be over soon.
And in other world news, the leader of Japan today
is calling for an increase in military spending.
How come they haven't mentioned anything about us?
- When are they gonna get to the strike? - Don't worry. The strike is big news.
I'm sure it will be one of the top stories.
In other news tonight,
it's the Internet video that has already seen over 10 million views.
A young, confused-looking boy dancing and singing a song called
What, What in my Asshole.
Tom, in just one week,
the video has become the most watched thing in all of America.
The boy in the video, referred to by most as "that little gay kid,"
has already been asked to appear on Jimmy Kimmel and The Today Show.
God damn it, that's not news. What about us?
Look, Stephen,
Terrance and I were talking, and, well, it's starting to look like
maybe we're not gonna win this thing, you know.
We'll win. We just have to stay resilient.
Well, yeah, but everyone is dying of starvation.
Yeah. Let's give it up, guy.
Don't call me your guy. I'm not your guy, friend.
- Well, I'm not your friend, buddy. - I'm not your buddy, guy.
Wait, here it is. Turn it up. We're on.
And finally tonight, a new development in the Canada strike.
For those of you who don't remember or don't care,
Canada has been striking for more money.
Yeah! All right!
I told you. I told you. Listen. Let's just listen.
In a shocking turn of events, it now appears
that thousands of people from Denmark are flooding into the United States
with hopes of taking the place of the striking Canadians.
What?
Do you really think you Danish can replace the Canadians?
Well, where we come from it's pretty cold, too, yeah.
We like hockey, and nobody really pays any attention to us.
Nobody knows where Denmark is.
Right. So when you think about it, we're the Canadians of Europe.
Scabs. How could you?
Hi. We made a really successful thing on the Internet,
and we'd like to collect our money.
Take a number and wait with everyone else.
Ma'am, perhaps you don't recognise
the Internet sensation Little Gay Kid from YouToob.
Take a number and wait with everyone else.
Chocolate rain
Hey, I know you. You're the What, What in my Asshole kid.
- What, What in the Butt, sir. - It's Tron Guy. I saw him on YouToob.
Yeah, sure. All the biggest Internet stars are here.
You remember, of course, Numa Numa.
And the Star Wars Kid.
And the Internet sensation Cute Sneezing Panda.
And there's Dramatic Look Gopher.
Wow, I've seen all you guys on the Internet.
So, how many people have seen your Internet video?
- A few hundred thousand. - Mere peanuts.
Chocolate Rain has done gangbusters. Theoretically, I'm a millionaire.
Dude, screw you. Your Internet thing is so last year.
Leave Chocolate Rain guy alone. Leave him alone. I'm serious.
Excuse me.
Hello?
You greedy corporate fat cat. You said you would get us money.
We're working on it.
You're stalling, because you think I'll give up.
You know that most Canadians
are talking about giving up the strike already.
You've got me over a barrel, and you know it.
Sir, we're doing everything we can.
You want me to say it again?
You've got me over a barrel. There. You happy?
You've got me bent over a barrel
with my tender ass just waiting to be pulverised by your thrusting manhood!
Do you realise how stupid I'm going to look
if I call off the strike after starting all this?
I won't do it. You hear me, guy? You're wrong.
No matter what happens, I will never call off this strike,
- Even if it means we all die. - We don't want you to die.
Then you'd better hurry. We don't have much longer.
The blood will be on your hands.
We have to speed this up.
Can we collect our Internet money in front of you, please?
I don't think so.
Nothing takes priority over Chocolate Rain.
Here he goes with the ego again. Who crowned you the top Internet star?
I did.
When I became bigger than all you bitches.
Please. Laughing Baby had four times as many views as you.
You'd better shut your fucking mouth, Laughing Baby.
Did you all forget about Afro Ninja?
My Internet thing was bigger than anybody's.
I made over 100 million theoretical dollars.
Well, Sneezing Panda's theoretically worth billions.
You all want to motherfucking die?
Hey, forget it. We'll wait our turn.
Leave Tron Guy alone. Leave him alone.
Get ready for some chocolate pain, bitch.
Leave the panda alone. Leave her alone. I'm serious.
Thought I forgot about you, gopher?
My brains.
Sweet. I think we're next in line now.
Stephen, Stephen, they're here. They've come to negotiate.
What? You mean it?
- Okay, we did it. - Who the hell are you?
We're the ones you told to go get Internet money.
Here. We made 10 million theoretical dollars.
It's all for you.
Theoretical dollars? What am I supposed to do with that?
You little time wasters!
Hey, we worked really hard to get this theoretical money.
Yeah. Everyone thinks I'm a homo now.
You are a homo, Butters.
Dude, will you just end this thing now? My little brother is going to die.
No. I'm not going to look like an idiot.
If I fucked up and led everyone astray, the last thing I'm going to do is admit it.
Yes, this is the head of the WGA, the World Canadian Bureau.
Mr. Abootman, it's the Global World Summit leaders.
- We want to talk to you about the strike. - You do?
You want to negotiate?
No, actually, we were just wondering if, when you're all dead,
we can use Newfoundland for a new global theme park.
Hello? Will you just give this guy something, please?
Excuse me?
He just doesn't want to look like an idiot,
so he needs everyone to think the strike was for something.
Just give him anything.
Well, we could give Canada some small consolation prize.
If they give you something small, will you end the strike?
Will they act like they're giving Canada a lot
so everyone thinks I did a good job?
Can you act like you're giving him a lot?
Sure, why not?
We have won.
- So how much did we get? - Well, we...
We didn't get everything that we wanted,
but we negotiated hard,
and we got these coupons to Bennigan's
and free bubble gum for every Canadian.
These coupons entitle every Canadian to a free meal at Bennigan's
with the purchase of a meal at equal or greater value, of course.
We did it!
My friends, this is the greatest victory in Canadian history.
- Ike. Ike. It's over. - It's over?
Yeah. Here you go.
- Boy, I'm sure glad that's over with. - Me, too.
Yeah, but you know, I learned something today.
We thought we could make money on the Internet,
but while the Internet is new and exciting for creative people,
it hasn't matured as a distribution mechanism to the extent
that one should trade real and immediate opportunities for income
for the promise of future online revenue.
It will be a few years before digital distribution of media
on the Internet can be monetised
to an extent that necessitates content producers
to forego their fair value in more traditional media.
Yeah.
Yeah, we did it. Celebrate, everyone.
Hold on a minute. Wait just a second.
We just did some calculating.
By not working during the strike, Canadians lost $10.4 million.
And our Bennigan's coupons and bubble gum is worth roughly $3,008.
Don't look at that. Come on, friends. Let's dance.
You had no idea what you were doing,
and now you're trying to make it look like you won
so that we won't set you adrift.
Damn it, friends. Don't you see? We won for future Canadians, guy.
So the little guy doesn't get pushed around any more.
This was a victory for Canada's respect.
- What do you think you're doing? - We're setting you adrift, idiot.
Maybe you can go live with the Danish.
- You'll regret this day, friend. - I'm not your friend, buddy.
- I'm not your buddy, guy. - He's not your guy, friend.
I'm not your friend, buddy.
- We're not your buddies, guy. - We're not your buddies, guy.
I'm not your guy, friend.